I found this post on line the other day and I wanted to share it.  I’ve seen a lot of really funny toast at weddings, and a few sad one’s, but this one took a lot of creativity:

I found this blog post the other day by an event planning business called Reverie out of Hamilton, New Jersey.  I thought it would be a great post to share with you about negotiating with your wedding vendors and the view point from a wedding planner:

Negotiating with your Wedding Professionals.

It’s not often that I post something ‘negative’ in nature, so I was hesitant to blog about this after mapping out the idea in my head. But this is a topic that is so near and dear to my heart, and there is so much contradicting information floating around out there on the web. In my own little corner of the internet, I wanted to share my thoughts on the subject of negotiating with your wedding professionals.  It may make me different from other planners, but who ever said I had to be the same?

I received an inquiry last week from a bride and groom who were eager to book me to plan and design their wedding. The bride had been following my blog and social media, and she knew I was The One before even meeting me. Awesome! This is what I love to hear.

So I asked her the same question I ask all potential clients: “Why do you need a wedding planner?” Her reply was this:

“Well, we really need someone to negotiate on our behalf to get us the best deals possible.  We have some wedding professionals in mind but I don’t know if we can afford them without some help.”

WHOA. Stop the train. I couldn’t even find the words to reply for a few seconds, which felt like minutes. I wrapped up the conversation and told her I’d get back to her. I didn’t feel that we were a good fit in the end, and I told her that via e-mail, as graciously as I could.  When it comes to screening clients, my gut instinct has always, always been right.  So I tend to go with it.

As many of you know, I just spent the past six months working toward a re-brand that I feel truly encompasses the style, philosophy, and love behind Reverie Events. Not once during that process did I want to appear like the Priceline Negotiator.

The truth is, we value everyone we work with when we plan a wedding.  The clients, the clients’ families, and last but certainly not least, their carefully curated wedding professional team.  When we set out to plan a wedding, we match our couples’ style, personalities, and budget to whom we feel would be the best wedding pros for them.  Wedding pros we trust.  Wedding pros we’ve worked with on a number of weddings prior, and will continue to work with for years to come.

Let’s say you read reviews for local day spas and everyone seems to rave about XYZ Spa.  You walk in, you love the ambience, and you decide that you want to get a massage there.  But a massage is $100 for an hour, and you think that’s a bit steep.  Would you go up to the front desk and explain that you really want to book their services, but you’d like them to offer them to you for $75, instead?

No, you wouldn’t.  Because that would be offensive.  You trust that the spa is pricing their services accordingly, and that you’re going to get an AMAZING massage for that money.

Even if you were daring enough to TRY to negotiate the price of your massage, the owner might look at you, confused, and explain that their massages are priced accordingly for the services rendered.  The reason they charge more is because they have comfy, heated massage tables, a paraffin wrap for your feet during your massage, aromatherapy, and the use of the sauna, whirlpool, showers, lockers, and little snacks and cucumber water while you rest on a chaise, flipping through a magazine.  If you want to pay $75 an hour, you can go down the street to ABC Spa where there is no locker room; you unrobe right in your massage room and there are no showers or paraffin wraps.  Both companies are pricing their services accordingly, because both companies know their market and how their services compare to others.

The same holds true for the wedding industry.  Your wedding professionals didn’t pull their pricing out of thin air.  Proper pricing comes from years of experience and past reflection on the amount of work done for past clients.  Your photographer looked back on past weddings and realized that to shoot a wedding, hire a second shooter, spend hours editing the photos; to keep a website up and running, pay rent for a meeting space, and to keep their equipment updated, they needed to charge $xxxx for their services.  Your band, your DJ, your floral designer; everyone carefully calculates what they charge in order to continue delivering the standard of service they choose to offer.

Your wedding professional team will be like your family on your wedding day.  They’ll be participating in the best, most emotional, most personal day of your life.  In return, they’re giving you their heart and soul.  Their very best shot at your dream wedding.  And they’ll work hard for you because they feel valued.

So when you hire a wedding planner, hire a planner that will give you your ‘Best Wedding’.  Whatever that means to you.  If it’s the ‘cheapest wedding’, then Reverie Events isn’t the best fit.  But if it’s a wedding designed around love with AMAZING photos, killer floras, little details that will make your guests smile and memories that far exceed your wildest expectations, then we truly look forward to receiving your call.  We’ll connect you with a team of wedding professionals with the same exact passion, heart, and soul.  In life– and especially in the wedding industry– you get what you pay for.

As they say, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.  And because of our respect for our fellow wedding professionals, they respect us right back.  Because of that, maybe– just maybe– you’ll get a free e-session from the photographer we hook you up with, or a comped cocktail hour from the DJ who will have you on the dance floor the entire night.  Because in the end, there is value in feeling valued.

Today ended up being a pretty rainy day so since we didn’t get to do the Easter Egg hunt with the girls, we decided to make today a quite day at home.  So, I decided to take a rare day off and just spend some time surfing the web and catching up on some things.  I ended up on one of the wedding message boards that I like to go to and noticed that one statement kept popping up; “$500 seems like a lot of money for a wedding video.” “Is a video really worth the $800 they are asking for?”and then my favorite one: “I don’t understand why wedding videos are so expensive.”.  These are also questions I hear a lot from brides as I’m meeting with them to discuss wedding video.  Most times I give them the standard “your wedding day goes so fast, you won’t remember anything.” and “you will never see your self walk up the aisle in your wedding dress.” answers but I have always wanted to have a better response to those questions and statements.  This afternoon, my wife came up with the best answer and I want to share it with you, because it makes sense when you think about it. I’m going to refer to post on here about the average cost of a wedding with the information provided by TheKnot.com’s annual wedding report.

  Venue – $12,116

The venue is one of the first places a bride picks for her wedding day.  It is the key to the entire wedding day and sets the tone for the day.  However, the thing most brides don’t know is that half way through your reception, the venue staff is already getting ready for next weekend.  Never thought about that before, did you?  It’s true.  The venue has a wedding the next weekend and the following weekend and the weekend after that.  That’s not to say they don’t care about you, they do, but they also care about the bride next weekend.  Also, how many bride do you think go back to their wedding venue on their first anniversary?  That answer would be none.  $12,116 gone and you get nothing for it in return

Flowers – $1,894

Flowers are very important as well, who could picture a bride without a bouquet?  The flowers provide the beauty that focus on the bride and her day.  But, how long do they last?  Most times, they last about a week.  I know some brides dry the flowers and either press them in a scrapbook or create a shadow box with them.  I guess my thing is why spend $1,894 on something that’s going to die in a few days?  This is the reason I don’t get my wife roses on Valentines day.  She would kill me for spending all that money on something that’s going to die in a few days.  $1,894 gone and you nothing for it in return

Reception DJ – $988

Now, what would a reception be without some great music and an emcee to help move the events of the evening along?  A pretty boring night.  We have some great DJ’s in our area and I would suggest any one of them for your reception.  I, personally, prefer a DJ as apposed to a live band.  A live band has a set list they play, that’s it. If your guest don’t enjoy the band, they most likely won’t get up and dance.  However, a professional DJ can read your guest and make adjustments to keep your reception flowing and fun.  But at the end of the night, after you leave the DJ packs up and is planning for the next wedding next weekend.  $988 gone and you get nothing in return.

Memories

I could go on for the rest of this blog post talking all the different parts of your wedding and how they are nice at the time, but they give you nothing in return.  I mean after all, at the end of your day all you have, besides a husband, are memories.  Memories that fade over time.  It’s a fact, most people only retain less then 50% of an event the next day.  As time goes on, that percentage gets lower and lower.  There are only two ways to capture memories.  Photography and Videography.   For most brides, a photographer is the third or fourth thing they book and I suggest that you get a great photographer.  But, only a video will allow you to not only see your wedding day, you can hear it and watch it move as well.  A professional videographer will capture those moments you missed, moments like your vows, that first dance, spending time with your mother and the list just goes on and on.  So my answer to those brides who say that $800 is too much to spend on a wedding video, I will say this;  how much are your memories worth?  How much are the memories of your day worth to you?  Memories are priceless and a wedding video provides you with a lifetime of memories.

Every girl dreams about a special wedding day.  Many have the flowers picked out, the colors, some even go so far as having the venue picked out sometimes well in advance of a proposal.  Many times I’ve heard ladies say they have everything they need for the wedding except for the groom.  The proposal is the most important thing that the guys do.  Sometimes it’s the best chance we have to get creative.  The gals have the entire wedding to be as creative as they want.   The traditional wedding is long since gone.  So is the traditional proposal.  We’ve all see the Hollywood proposal; boy takes girl to romantic restaurant, orders a romantic meal, at the end of the meal the boy gets down on one knee and holds up a ring and says “Will you marry me?”.  Today it seems to be a challenge to guys to out do each other in the proposal area.

The proposal race started at sporting events.  The “Fan Cam” would scan across the crowd and focus in on a couple seemingly having a great time, just then the guy would hop down to one knee and pop the question right there in front of thousands.  Things grew from there and got crazier and crazier  Just like the wedding, the only limit on these proposals is the guys imagination. Here are some of my favorite from YouTube.com:

Those just touch the tip of the iceberg that has become extreme wedding proposals. Recently ABC News NightLine did a story on some REAL extreme wedding proposals, some that cost over $45,000. That’s $45,000 JUST for the proposal:

Guys are getting very creative and fun with proposals. As a guy, I think it’s great. I wish I had thought of some of these things when I proposed to my wife, Leeann. I had the ring in my pocket, it was my grandmothers ring. I had it all planned out, the perfect spot, the perfect moment was all set up. Just before we left we got into a little argument (I couldn’t tell you what it was about), and right in the middle of the back and forth, I pulled the ring out of my pocket and said; “Will you shut up and just marry me?”. Needless to say, she said yes and it was also the last time I’ve ever told her to shut up.

The ABC News program 20/20 started this with a show they called “Wedding Confidential” which they said would “takes viewers behind the scenes of the cut throat wedding industry and reveals tricks of the trade for not getting gouged, saving money and staying calm.”.  First off, I take very strong exception to the term “cut throat”.   I’ve been in the wedding business for almost 11 years now and I can tell you that true wedding professionals are anything but cut throat.  Yes, weddings are is a competitive market.  Here’s the break down; we only have 52 weekends available each year so we are limited on how much business we can book.  Now none of us can do every wedding every weekend and we also know that our style or type of service may not fit every bride.  With that said, if I have a bride who is looking for a wedding film on a weekend I’m already booked, I will be more then glad to send her to another, well qualified wedding videographer.  Same thing with the photographers, florist, caterers, etc.  To me the term “cut throat” means we will do anything and everything we can to get you to sign with us when in fact, that is the furthers thing from the truth.  Professional wedding vendors are some of the most amazing, wonderful and loving people I know.  You have to be to be in this business.  Our focus is on making the brides, and grooms, day as special and wonderful as possible.  We put our heart and soul into your wedding.  Our greatest reward is seeing the smile on your face at the end of the night knowing you had the perfect day you always dreamed of.  Yes, the money is nice, but that’s not the most important part for most of us.

Next the program made the point of saying that when you put the word wedding in front of a service, the price automatically jumps.  They used a DJ service to prove this point.  They sent one couple posing as an engaged couple to inquire about pricing for a wedding and then they send a second couple posing as brother and sister inquiring about pricing for a birthday party.  They then showed that the pricing for the DJ’s on the same date jumped just because it was a wedding.  Of course it did, a wedding is completely different then a birthday party for a DJ. At a wedding, your DJ is the person in charge of keeping your reception flowing, making introductions, keeping the dance floor busy and so on.  I’m not a DJ by any sense of the word, but I can tell you they work very hard at a wedding.  A birthday party on the other hand is a much simpler event.  There are no introductions,  no first dance, or anything like that.  A wedding and a birthday party are two different animals.  So to compare a wedding DJ pricing to a birthday party DJ pricing is really unfair and leads to a mistrust of the brides in the professional DJ’s they want to hire. You have to understand that weddings are much more detailed and involved then any other event.  Think of this way, we only have one shot to get it right.  There are no do overs at a wedding and a mistake at a wedding can be huge.

Shortly after the 20/20 aired, “The Ricki Lake Show” aired a program, again talking about wedding vendors from a “industry insider”.  This “insider made three bold statements that I want to touch on: 1. “Your vendor is a hobbyist that is growing up into a professional, at your expense”.  Not true.  There are vendors who do their service as a weekend job to make ends meet and yes, there are those vendors who are just breaking into the industry and have to start someplace. But for the most part, wedding vendors are professionals.  For some of us, this is our full time job, this is not some hobby we just mess around with on the weekends.  We take our job very seriously and put our all into it.  If you want to know if your vendor is just a “weekend warrior” or a full time professional, just look at their pricing compared to other in the same field.   If they are offering you the same service for a drastic price cut, you may want to think twice.  How can he photograph my wedding so much cheaper then all the other photographer in town?  Simple, he does this just for fun, just to make ends meet and has no real wedding experience at all.

2. “You’re boring your vendor.”   Meaning that most wedding vendors are very creative people, we like to express our selves in our work.  That’s true, we are creative people and we like to think outside the box sometimes.  But by no means does that mean you are boring to us.  Every bride is special and unique in their own way.  In 11 years of weddings, I have yet to do the same wedding.  Every wedding is different and stands out in it’s special way.  I have told many a parent that traditional weddings are a thing of the past.  Today, brides want to express their style and who they are through their wedding.  That makes every wedding a challenge for us.  We have to find a way to make your wedding speak for you, show your style and who you are.  We have to make your dreams come true and that is never a boring job.

I guess my main point in all of this is that wedding vendors are amazing and loving people.  We will go above and beyond for anyone of our brides to accommodate their dreams.  I have yet to hear a professional wedding vendor tell a bride, “I can’t do that”.  The wedding vendors I have worked with in the past 11 years are truly some amazing people.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen a wedding professional go out of their way for a bride on her special day.  I love what I do and I truly love working with my brides.  I want their day to be as special and memorable as I possibly can.  So to 20/20 and The Ricki Lake Show, you have no idea what your talking about.

The average wedding: $28,427 (excluding the honeymoon)
Most expensive place to get married: Manhattan, $76,678
Least Expensive Place to Get Married: Alaska, $15,504
Average Marrying Age: Bride, 29; Groom, 31
Average Number of Guests: 139
Average Number of Bridesmaids: 4 to 5
Average Number of Groomsmen: 4 to 5
Most Popular Month to Get Engaged: December (16%)
Average Length of Engagement: 14 months
Most Popular Month to Get Married: June (17%)

I’m going to add some to this list based on the Knoxville area, most popular months are April, May, June, September & October. We have a much longer wedding season then most areas due to the climate and the beauty of our outdoor venues.
The average cost of a wedding in Knoxville is right at $26,500.

Here is the break down of what brides spent in each category:

2012 Average Wedding Budget Breakdown

Category                           2012 National Average Spend         2011 National Average Spend
Overall Wedding            $28,427                                                 $27,021
Venue                               $12,905                                                 $12,116
Photographer                    $2,379                                                    $2,299
Wedding Planner              $1,847                                                     $1,753
Reception Band                 $3,084                                                    $3,122
Reception DJ                         $988                                                       $929
Florist/Decor                      $1,997                                                     $1,894
Videographer                      $1,619                                                      $1,486
Wedding Dress                   $1,211                                                        $1,121
Groom’s Tuxedo                   $230                                                          $215
Wedding Cake                       $560                                                          $535
Ceremony Site                     $1,711                                                        $1,599
Ceremony Musicians           $554                                                           $536
Invitations                             $453                                                           $440
Limousine                              $708                                                           $669
Favors                                     $289                                                           $285
Rehearsal Dinner                $1,135                                                        $1,078
Engagement Ring               $5,431                                                        $5,130
Catering (price per person)    $63                                                             $61
Figures based on respondents who hired a professional vendor for the service.

Now I highlighted two categories I want to bring to your attention, photography and videography.  The reason is very simple, every category on this is a one time cost item.  In other words, at the end of the night those items are gone or thrown away.  The only thing you have left at the end of the day are memories and the only way to capture those memories is with photography & videography.  What’s more important to you, the flowers that die the next day or the memories from your wedding day?

Every year when the schedule comes out for UT football there is almost always an open weekend, or open date.  That’s great for football, but rough on wedding vendors.  You see, every bride who wants to have a fall wedding will want to have it this one weekend because she knows most of her guest will come and it’s easier to find hotel rooms for out of town guest.  This past football season I worked not one, but two weddings. One Saturday and one Sunday.  Now I’ve done back to back wedding weekends before, but this one was a lot of fun.  Let me show you:

First up was Ashley and Eli.  Ashley is the wedding and event coordinator at the Knoxville Zoo.  Which by the way, if your looking for a great venue for your wedding you should really check them out.  Anyway, Ashley has become a very good friend of mine and her one and only, Eli, is a great guy that I have enjoyed getting to know.  Their wedding was at Twin Cedar Farms in Rockford, TN (she didn’t have it at zoo because would you have your wedding at the same place you work at? Didn’t think so).  Bonus points for this one because I got to work with one of my favorite vendors, Brenda Johnson and her staff at One Enchanted Evening.  Enjoy.

Sunday morning comes and I find my self driving out the the Wears Valley area that borders the Great Smokey Mountains to a beautiful venue called Trillium Springs.  Hidden in the trees on the side of a mountain, this venue offers both beauty and a private location that has amazing views and backdrops.  The only problem this day was it was a misty, rainy day.  Our bride, Leah, didn’t let it get her down.  The really big change was we had have the ceremony in the pavilion instead of the garden area.  But you know what, it was still beautiful and they had a great day.  Again, I got to work with Brenda and One Enchanted Evening and 2911 Event Planning Studio, but I also got to work with one of the best DJ’s in the area. Corey Goin of Music in Motion.  The man can rock a reception and keep it moving and fun. Check it out:

Very busy weekend, but a couple of beautiful brides who both had amazing weddings.  Congrats to both couples.  Man, I REALLY love my job.

Short form video has become the new hot trend in wedding films and video.  Your entire day cut down to about 20 minutes.  The thing is, for them to be able to do this, they have to cut a lot of things out or they will only give you a short glimpse of a moment.  Let’s look at your ceremony for example.  The typical  wedding ceremony is about 20 minutes long (about as long as some of these short form videos I’ve seen).  If your lucky, you may get to see a minute or two of the ceremony spread through out the video.  You may get a few seconds of your first dance, your first look, basically you will get a few seconds of your day.  It’s short, sweet and to the point.  But here’s what gets me; they charge you the same, sometimes more, for the short form video as I charge for a wedding film that covers your entire day.  Does that make sense?

Think of it this way: would you pay $20 for a ticket to see a 20 minute movie?  Or, how about paying $20 to get in then another $15 for popcorn and a soda and seeing a movie that was 15 minutes long?  Would you be very happy?  Most likely not.  But that’s what your getting with a short form video, a 20 minute peak at your wedding day.  Maybe it’s just me but if I’m spending $24,000 (the average cost of a wedding in Knoxville) on a wedding, I want to be able to go back watch the entire day, not just what the videographer thinks I want to see.

Yes, photos are fabulous, but video captures things that photos cannot — like your father’s speech, your first dance song, and your maid of honor’s toast.

It’s not what you think

Throw out the idea that a wedding videographer means lights-camera-action in your face all night. Today’s videographers embrace a more documentary style of filming, meaning you might not even notice them — until they’re handing you a stunning video of your day. Video can also be taken in a variety of styles, from vintage Super 8mm film to high-def.

Video captures the in-between moments

Yes, your photographer will get both posed and candid shots, but for everything in between, you need a videographer. And since there’s no posing (you just keep enjoying the party!), you won’t have to worry about looking stiff or awkward on film.

Videography lets you experiment with style

You want your wedding photos to be timeless (they’re going to be displayed in your home for years to come), but your wedding video can be a little trendier while still looking classic. Try out hip videography styles, like vintage Super 8mm film or high-def wedding trailers for a creative look.

Video means sound

It’s an obvious one, but video captures audible moments, such as your mother’s tearful words of wisdom as she helps you with your veil, your father’s reaction to seeing you in your dress, or your grandmother’s laugh as she dances with your grandfather. These are the memories you’ll cherish long after your dearest relatives have passed, and a wedding video will preserve them forever. And whether you write your own or go traditional, there’s no other way to document your vow exchange. Video can also capture important reception moments, such as toasts and songs for you to share with your family in the future.

However, it seems like the guys get a break on Valentines Day.  It’s pretty much given to the guys on a silver platter.  Some roses, a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant topped off with a piece of jewelry.  Now not every guy does it this way,  but that is how the media and marketing gurus push it, so we just follow along.  But what about the gals?  What do you get that special guy in your life?  Flowers are not the thing most guys want to get at work.  The romantic dinner is nice, but it’s something we guys try to own and we are not huge on jewelry.  So what just what do you give him?  What gift can you give him that is romantic and memorable?

Why not give him you?  Give him you in a way he will never forget.  Give him you at your sexiest in a boudoir shoot. But before we get into a boudoir session, lets dispel some “boudoir myths”: Historically, the boudoir formed part of the private suite of rooms of a lady, for bathing and dressing, adjacent to her bedchamber, being the female equivalent of the male cabinet. In later periods, the boudoir was used as a private drawing room, and was used for other activities, such as embroidery or spending time with one’s romantic partner.  It comes from the French verb bouder, meaning “to be sulky” or boudeur, meaning “sulky.  Today, it’s the hottest type of photography.  More and more women are doing boudoir sessions for their guy as a  way to explore their own beauty and to bring out that sexy woman that’s been hidden behind the mini van or the morning carpool.  Boudoir is not pornography.  We don’t shoot you in the nude or in graphic poses. We want to capture you as the beautiful, sexy woman you are and we want to do that in an artful and tasteful way.

  A lot of women also think they have to have fancy, expensive lingerie from Victoria Secrets.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  Sure, lingerie is common and beautiful, but we have had sessions with ladies in their guys favorite shirt, sports jersey, or even a simple nightgown.  We even had one session where the gal didn’t have any lingerie at all, not so much as even a night shirt.  She wore clothes that made her feel sexy, powerful and special.  When we get a call about a boudoir session and the woman ask “What do I wear?”, we tell them to bring whatever makes them feel comfortable, sexy, powerful and special.

The last myth is two fold; I have to be super model thin or I don’t know how to pose for photos like that.  Did you know the average size of an American woman is a 16?  We say EVERY woman is beautiful and sexy, no matter if they are a size 2 or a size 22.  We want to bring out that woman in every session, and we help you bring her out.  We make you feel comfortable and at ease through the entire session.  We laugh with you, play music you like and just generally have fun.  Normally within 10 minutes of shooting, most ladies are relaxed and are enjoying the entire session.  Plus, we help you with the posing.  We walk you through each pose and help you get that sexy, WOW look each time.  Plus, if I can get in the pose, you can to.  Also, we will never ask you to do any pose or wear any outfit your not comfortable with.  NEVER.  We tell each lady that if we ask you to so anything your not comfortable with, just say NO and we move on. No questions asked.   If your thinking “I’m too old to do this.”.  Well, your not, we have worked with ladies well into their 60′s.

Lastly, we are going to make it even easier for you, starting Thursday, January 17, 2013 we will be offering a Groupon for a one hour boudoir session and you also get a free 8×10 to go home with that day.  How much easier can we make it for you?  Why not give him that gift that ONLY you can give him, give him YOU.